remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
