Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
