I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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