who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
