Fuck appropriateness.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
