my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
