so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
