i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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