I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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