haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
