Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize