I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize