I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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