I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
