she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We have so much sex to catch up on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
