before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
