hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
