White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
