sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
