I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
