Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
