I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
