it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
