it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
