He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have tasted many bathrooms
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
