Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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