i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
