i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
