You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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