I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and she was petting her beer can
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
