Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
