The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
