My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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