my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
