Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
BRING THE BAGELS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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