Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
