help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
