I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
