My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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