What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
