I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
