remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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