Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
