Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
