I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
