does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize