So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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