I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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