im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
