Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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