how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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