Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
