Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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