A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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