Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize