How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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