Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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