I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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