i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My bed smells like the plague
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
