is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
