How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
