Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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