My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize