sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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