fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
