hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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