Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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