can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We left the knife in your bed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
